Force Calls

I can hear the Force calling me. Pulling at me. I woke today with such strength and vigor. I know I must go to the temple. The doctors took one look at me and let me pass. The whispers of the ghosts of the old temple sing clear in my mind.

I have done what I can to guide Scar'let along on the right path for her training. I send her one last note. She is too diversified. She needs to refocus.

Brem. I have been there for him... and always will. Think on me, my love. And remember our time together. Know that when you do, I am right with you in your heart, I bright star of love.

I must go to the Temple now. It calls... the Force calls. There is no more time.

I promise to whisper when Need stirs.

Remember to smile and laugh for me, everyone. *innocent cutely tilted head smile with freckles moving with a slight wrinkle of her nose*

Brem...
Dance in the rain!

One Leave for Ritual

Thing have been unstable with me. The med we developed no longer helps me. We have not been able to develop another.

I feel pulled two ways. Brem and somewhere else.

I mis Brem. I have not heard from him in some time. He feels so very very distant. I feel so very very distant.

The specialist did not want to grant me leave, but I managed to get a short leave to go to the temple blessing ritual. It was lovely. I lit a candle for Brem and set it near the Life Day Orb in the temple. I hoped I would see him there. But, He wasn't. I pray he is well.

Brem.
I will always be with you in spirit to strengthen you and light your way. And when you feel alone, my arms will embrace your soul and love you.

Log: January 11, xxx5

I have been in and out of the private med facility. The med we have been using for me are just not holding up. I have been working on a new set of meds, our research is tough and frustrating, yet interesting. I hope Brem is well. I know Brem is well. I miss him terribly.

I have been hearing much whispering in my head. I thought maybe my brain was breaking down. But I know now it is the whispers fo those whose knowledge I carry. The time is growing near to when I can pass this on. *smile* at last. Scar'let sent me a small note that she wants to have a small event soon. A temple blessing. I intend to be well enough to attend.

I look forward to sitting with Brem for this event.

It is so good to see everyone in positive spirits. Maxell will have some healing, but he is a strong man and has the support of his tai'shan.

Log: January 2, xxx5: Brem... gone...

*gasp*

The Empire deployed him today while I was in a med-induced sleep! They deployed him on a long mission into deep space to explore a potentially hostile new planet. No idea when he will be back. He sent me an email. He hopes within the month, but is unsure.

I was comforted by knowing he was in his new house nearby. I could feel him in my soul. I hug his spirit in my sleep. I will be thinking of you while you are away, and dreaming of you while we sleep. I pray you come home safe, and soon. Good luck my love!

Log: January 1, xxx5

Well... the ordeal for Deomo went with mixed results. Scarlet is too drained to communicate coherently on the matter. But she says it is unfinished. I think she feels she failed somehow and that something went wrong.

I am hearing all kinds of whispering in the temple. Like the whispering I have begone to hear in my head last month. But it is all unclear.

There is a determination in Scar'let's eyes to fix the situation... to manage to call Deomo back as he fled the temple before the rite was truly done. She said she made him a promise, to never give up on him. I hope once she is rested, she can succeed.

Brem has been away from the temple alot. He is constantly called to duty these days. It is making it difficult to organize his rite. As he is not yet a ranking officer, he is obliged to follow his orders. *sigh*

I need to reach Avios. I only have enough doses left till Monday night.

Log: January 3,xxx4: Last Dose

I have been researching in my wakeful moments. And trying to sort all the things in my head. I wish Scar'let's rites were all done so I can start passing imformation to her. She is a much better and avid writer than I am.

My meds are keeping me alive. But, the completely knock me out for sometimes more than half a day. If I miss a dose or am late, my cells begin breaking down and I get drained and in great pain. I have tried shifting the dose down a bit, but that left me gravely ill.

I took my last dose this evening. I have not seen Avios yet. I hope he comes to the temple tonight. I need to get the specs to him. I need another dose.

This is so not *living*. I need to get out and do something.

I miss Brem.

Log: Dec. 31, xxx4: Change in Plans

Brem's second set of chalenges will have to wait. He is on a mission and cannot be pulled from it. I think that is actually good. I am uncertain whether the challenge we have chosen is suitable.

We will do Deomo's instead.

I took Scar'let And began a rough and intensive introduction to how to use some of her psyonic gifts.
-Ability for visions, through dream, through touching objects
-Empathy (receptive and projective)
-Telepathy (receptive)
I focused on the first. It is what she will use for Deomo's Rite. That and her tai'shan bond to him. I taught her the trance sequence technique. That is something she could learn if she studied Teras Kasi... but she must know it here. I also taught her small techniques for consciously reaching out. As well as, how to keep focus on a vision. The teachings came to me as I needed them... as though I summoned the knowledge from an archive. I am that archive. *sigh* I believe she has a grasp of what to do. I wish we had time to test this before she went into this dangerous rite. I wish them luck.

I took my med dose. We are dangerously low on the meds. I will need to speak with Avios soon and arrange for more. I cannot be part of this rite to come. I have not the strength. I will be resting in the med indused sleep. *this is not living... i need a better solution*

Dark Secrets

Every society has them. Every organization. Every person.

Dark does not necessarily mean bad or evil... but just part of the balance of the universe.

When I woke Friday afternoon, feeling much better than the day before, I saw a note from Scar'let to contact Cauil. Cauil. A man of many dark secrets of his own. I have few good memories of him. But not ones as painful as Deomo. I faced Deomo. And saw something... passed the man who tortured me. Duty. The things people do in the name of duty. The wrongs.

I spoke with Cauil and explained what I could to him, answering his questions about my suspicions about Deomo's past. About the Shadow Ancestors of the Zabrak. Honour and sacrifice. There are dark things in those words. And truths. Deomo deserves to know the truth about his past... one way or the other.

Log: Dec. 30, xxx4: not well

This was not a good day. I spent much of it in pain, ill. I pushed myself too much yesterday. I waited too long to take the meds.

*worried*

I have to get stabilized... I am debating heading back to the private medical clinic. I have to help Scar'let learn things about how to use her gifts. Force skills... she needs so much training. She has missed so much.

And Brem. Brem... your challenge is coming up. I pray that you have faith in our bond... that you trust your friendships and do not get lost as the ferals do. This challenge coming may not be as difficult as your first... you live through a more difficult Emotional-Spiritual challenge already. Us.

Remember. I love you. And no matter what, I will always be with you... in your heart... to light your way.

Log: Dec. 29,xxx4: recap of the first ordeals

This started out good. We discussed their choices of meditation rooms. Then gave each a chance to discuss what their ordeal was and how they felt about them. At first I was not sure if we had made the right choices at all for them. I was not sure if they learned anything about themselves throguh them and was suddenly unsure if I had properly researched the rites' purposes.

I was grateful Maxell showed up. He helped Scar'let realize what she had learned... and that she had succeeded. It is interesting to see her. She is so bold and brave and outwardly strong... handling many things withough falling apart. But inwardly I see the is remarkable insecure with her own abilities, shy and vulverable.

This did not go well with Deomo's challenge. He had definately succeeded in accomplishing it. But... it was not a challange for him. His greater challanges lay in expressing his own points of view and feelings, coherently without losing focus nor withough succumbing to anger. Unfortuantely Maxell just seem to push him button. Eventually Scar'let stepped in and her and Deomo spoke softly in a corner. They have an interesting relationship. I can see the longing in each other's eyes... but neither will cross a line to explore it out of respect for her other bond. He is so very gentle and attentative with her. She brings out the best in him. I can hardly belive he was the same man who captured and tortured me.... locked in a feral drive to do so. Here he was... wonderful to watch... Except when he was riled by Maxell. But he showed incredible restraint.

Maxell and Brem then spoke together across me. I had begun to lose focus. I held myself in check but just could not listen to the discussion that was helping Brem relize that his mission failure was a learning experience. And as he and Maxell developed trust in each other... i could no longer take the pains and dizziness. Brem and Maxell were so absorbed they did not notice. I tried to temm brem I missed my med dose. But couldn't. My world spun and I think I heard Scarlet call my name. Next brem was dashing ahead to open doors and Maxell was carrying me to the bed I share with Brem. He was about to give me the small dose when I managed to say full dose. But everything went dark before he gave it to me.

Log: dec. 28, xxx4: So It Begins...

They began their Rites this evening. And to my surprise, Deomo was also there. Somber and determined. I explained the generals of the rites to each of them while we all sat in the Temple.

I let them chose their own isolation locations in the temple for 30minutes. Each was to spent time with him/herself and ponder their past and ther present and these rites. The were given an opportunity to back out before the isolation. None did. I was surprised by who chose which place to isolate themselves. I thought Scarlet would chose the Orange Meditation Room or Fyrshka's Shrine Room, but she chose the Blue One. I thought Brem would chose the roof with the risk of rain since we have good memories of dancing in the rain, but he chose an empty room in the bacement. And Deomo I had thought would choose the Blue Meditation Room but he chose the roof. Interesting. When I sit with them all again... I will ask them why they made those choices.

They were to face their first challenges tonight and meet tomorrow night to discuss what they learned from them. Take some time to breathe before facing the next set Thursday night.

After the 30min. I came to Scar'let. She was deep in though as she scribbled madly in her journal. She looked up. The look in her face was painful for me. I knew a little of what she was to face this night. I pray she succeeds. I gave her a chance to back out. She vowed she was staying. I told her to wait for Maxell in the Ritual Space. She went there and continured her meditation and scribbling. That journal is such an outlet for her. She may not say out loud what is going on in her head or heart, but I bet that datapad journal does. I came to Brem and told him to meet Maxell at the Imperial Base in Bestine for his Ordeal assignment for Physical/Mental challange. I gave him a second chance to back out. *smile... I am so proud of him* He didn't. He left immediately to meet Maxell. Then I went to Deomo. I gave him a second opportunity to back out. He was so quiet... so resolved. He didn't back out either. I have no idea what changed his mind to do these rites or why he does them with such ... I don't have a word for the look in his eyes. Just that he knows deep down that he needs to. What changed his mind? I told him to meet Maxell for the Physical/Mental challange. He left and then paused by Scar'let. I barely heard him speak. Such soft words of concern. "Be strong Scar'let... I know you can be." I suddenly realized that they must have made some connectin more than Feral. The tai'shan bond was there. Not like Maxell's but still there... and his care for her and hers for him was very apparent. This could be very very dangerous. I hope Maxell can cope with this. Then Deomo left the temple to meet Maxell. They are to be given a third chance to back out before embarking on the challages. I hope they all stay. Brem and Deomo stayed. And their challenges were set. They have 24 hrs to complete them and meet back at the temple to discuss what they learned from this. I hope they ALL come back.

I was feeling nautious again. I needed another med dose. The smaller doses left me ill. So i took a larger dose. I needed to rest. Maxell was nervouse to do this ordeal with Scar'let without me... but I was quickly not being functional. I wished Brem well and remined him that I loved him and that was with him in spirit. Then shortly after sleep took me by force.