Log: dec. 28, xxx4: So It Begins...

They began their Rites this evening. And to my surprise, Deomo was also there. Somber and determined. I explained the generals of the rites to each of them while we all sat in the Temple.

I let them chose their own isolation locations in the temple for 30minutes. Each was to spent time with him/herself and ponder their past and ther present and these rites. The were given an opportunity to back out before the isolation. None did. I was surprised by who chose which place to isolate themselves. I thought Scarlet would chose the Orange Meditation Room or Fyrshka's Shrine Room, but she chose the Blue One. I thought Brem would chose the roof with the risk of rain since we have good memories of dancing in the rain, but he chose an empty room in the bacement. And Deomo I had thought would choose the Blue Meditation Room but he chose the roof. Interesting. When I sit with them all again... I will ask them why they made those choices.

They were to face their first challenges tonight and meet tomorrow night to discuss what they learned from them. Take some time to breathe before facing the next set Thursday night.

After the 30min. I came to Scar'let. She was deep in though as she scribbled madly in her journal. She looked up. The look in her face was painful for me. I knew a little of what she was to face this night. I pray she succeeds. I gave her a chance to back out. She vowed she was staying. I told her to wait for Maxell in the Ritual Space. She went there and continured her meditation and scribbling. That journal is such an outlet for her. She may not say out loud what is going on in her head or heart, but I bet that datapad journal does. I came to Brem and told him to meet Maxell at the Imperial Base in Bestine for his Ordeal assignment for Physical/Mental challange. I gave him a second chance to back out. *smile... I am so proud of him* He didn't. He left immediately to meet Maxell. Then I went to Deomo. I gave him a second opportunity to back out. He was so quiet... so resolved. He didn't back out either. I have no idea what changed his mind to do these rites or why he does them with such ... I don't have a word for the look in his eyes. Just that he knows deep down that he needs to. What changed his mind? I told him to meet Maxell for the Physical/Mental challange. He left and then paused by Scar'let. I barely heard him speak. Such soft words of concern. "Be strong Scar'let... I know you can be." I suddenly realized that they must have made some connectin more than Feral. The tai'shan bond was there. Not like Maxell's but still there... and his care for her and hers for him was very apparent. This could be very very dangerous. I hope Maxell can cope with this. Then Deomo left the temple to meet Maxell. They are to be given a third chance to back out before embarking on the challages. I hope they all stay. Brem and Deomo stayed. And their challenges were set. They have 24 hrs to complete them and meet back at the temple to discuss what they learned from this. I hope they ALL come back.

I was feeling nautious again. I needed another med dose. The smaller doses left me ill. So i took a larger dose. I needed to rest. Maxell was nervouse to do this ordeal with Scar'let without me... but I was quickly not being functional. I wished Brem well and remined him that I loved him and that was with him in spirit. Then shortly after sleep took me by force.

Log: Dec. 28,xxx4: trial & error

I met with Brem today. I was intent on getting things sorted out and started on these rites. I explained it all to Brem and how it would be good for him to experience them, but also how he will be challenged to be the stable anchor at the same time for the other two. Not an easy task. Not with two ferals. I told him of the findings I had of the tai'shan bio-chem in Deomo. And how Brem may need to do what he can to keep Deomo from interfering with Scar'let's second challenge. Then Brem told me of Aico. How this man has been twisting perceptions, playing mind-games, planting seeds of doubt in everyone's minds. *curses*

Then, suddenly Deomo pulled out! He and Maxell exchanged heated words. *curses under her breath*

Fine. His choice. His loss. Fine... Let Aico win. I do not have the time or energy to waste on Deomo. I gave him what knowledge I could to help him. I advised him as best I could and offered him an opportunity. I am sad to see him back out. But I just do not have the energy to fight that battle. So I told him of the rest of my findings, to prepare him for what he will feel from Scar'let during the rites... hoping and insisting that he stay out and not interfere no matter what she experiences. I know he was shocked. I am sure he will go somewhere to hunt and mull it all over. Maybe he will sort himself out. Maybe not. Rught now, I need to focus on Brem and Scar'let.

I arranged to have several packs of the meds made for me to take with me to the Temple. I also arranged for the instructions so I can get these to Avios, Maxell's son (who is a bio-engineer) to do this, to make them. I have to be alert and well for this. I am doing what I can to prepare Maxell to act as priest for these rites. I have to lend my knowledge and support. These rites need to happen. Zabrak, more than any species, need these rites. So I do this for Brem, my beloved.

I took my next dose, intending on being well and alert to travel to the temple later in the evening. Unfortunately, I was wiped. I slept right through the evening. DAMMIT! *oops* I woke this morning to hear that little was accomplished anywhays. I will try smaller doses today, more frequently.

Tonight.

The Rites begin tonight.

Log: Dec. 27, xxx4: Planning Rites of Passage

Stages of the planning should all run smoothly. *and that is a HUGE HOPE*

Step 1:
Initiates gather at the Temple for a brief explanation of the coming activities and the Rites. They are given the opportunity to walk away.

Step 2:
Initiate spends time ALONE with him/herself in a room for isolation. They are to meditate and think about themselves, consider their past and their choice for taking these rites.

Step 3:
Max leads them to the first challenge, one that is a combination of physical and mental. Challenge their teamwork, strategy, stamina, strength, courage. Challenge how they deal with success and failure. Here we hope the Ferals do not lose control. They must push themselves to keep focus. They will hopefully learn their own techniques for this along the route.

Step 4:
Return to the temple to discuss the outcome of this challenge, what each learned about themselves, how each is dealing with the experience. They also get a moment to relax before the more difficult emotional and spiritual challange, one of facing the self and one of trust.

Setp 5:
Each person faces their challenge one at a time under supervision of the one(s) they trust. Here we hope they do not lose themselves, that they face things and pull through and also do not fail in trusting the ones they trusted going into this challenge. *I pray the tai'shan bond hold*

Step 6:
Recovery time with the initiate and the trusted. *we hope*

Step 7:
Return to the temple for the initiate to meditate alone again, establish inner balance and integrate their new lessons and experiences into their self-perceptions. They are also to ponder on how this will effect their future and what they plan on doing with that future.

Step 8:
Reintegration. They all come together and re-enter society with their new perceptions and abilities.

Well. that is the rough plan. The details of the E-S challenges are still in need of fine-tuning.

Log: Dec.27, xxx4: Further Research - Blood Tests

I have been looking up every known Tai'shan bonding on record. I have sifted through all my thoughts and alternate memories and mental archives. There are just too few Human-Zabrak bondings to look at and NONE that show a potential alternative....

Ok I take it back. Here is one........

But this is a far fetched thing. Here is one instance where a Zabrak man tai'shan bonded with one Zabrak woman who died in childbirth on Iridonia. Four years later he tai'shan bonded to another Zabrak woman. Hmmm.... What would have happened if he met both women at the same time? Inconclusive evidence. This is FRUSTRATING!!! And there are no medical records or blood tests done. It happened so very very long ago, before they could even test for such bio-chemicals. *sifts further through the old record* What reason do they suggest for this happening? Oh great! How scientific. "The Gods deemed it necessary, his child became a fine leader and secured a victory that no other could have won." *grumble*

*tosses the archive to the floor*

Log: Dec. 26, xxx4: Planning

Report on meds for my health:
So far they seem to be working. They are a complex creation from a Master Bio-engineer. and are actually based on a chemical found running in Scar'let's blood. We managed to speak with a doctor who had been with her when she arrived "here" from another dimension!! A very dangerous journey. The drug running through her system was to keep her body from degenerating on the journey as she was one of the fer not in stasis for the journey. It was experimental and does have side effects as it lingers. It does slowly work its way out of the blood stream. Zabrak are very different though from humans. I do not have enough Zabrak in me for this drug to linder in my system and it seem to wear off quickly. Or maybe we just don't have the complete chemical combination. I know we don't have the dosage nor the timing right. I spent a couple days disoriented and/or asleep. And when it wears off, I am in grave danger as my body begins to shut itself down. I am staving off death. But for how long?

Rites of Passage:
I was more stable last night ans was let free to do some research at the Library. I wanted more information about the Zabrak Tai'Shan and wanted to compare my knowledge against further research about cultural activities. Maxell came on my comm hoping to meet up with me and discuss the Rites of Passage. Given to a child at pubery, these are simpler challenges with not too much danger. Given to an adult, though, and the risks are suddenly great. No one is worried that if a child loses the trust of the elder that they will kill them, because as a child they lack both the strength and the skill. But and adult has these. The rites will help one face themselves and be stronger in spirit and mind for it. I would hope Brem would want to go through them, but I have yet to really discuss it with him. I will do so later today.

The larger problem is for when Scar'let and Deomo go through them. They are stronger and more dangerous than a child, as is Brem. The risk of any of these three killing the guide is very high. More dangerous still for themselves is the Feral Nature. If they become lost during the rite to the Feral, they could be trapped there or kill others, or even themselves. They could fail the challenges and be lost to us or dead. It is dangerous.

All three have different things to face. All three will face themselves and their greatest troubles within. Brem, he would need to face some of his past and the challanges of trust for today. He will be challenged to work in a team and be the balancing force. Scar'let's skills will be pushed to their limits and she will need to trust in those she normally would not, also, she has yet to face the trauma's of her past which are a constant block in her being able to more forward in her tai'shan bond. She does not trust herself. Deomo is in a similar situation. He need to be pushed to work with others and have them under his care, be responsible for keeping them alive. He too needs to face the death of his father and who actually did it. He too does not trust himself.

I hope. My greatest hope is the Brem emerges more self-confident that he can handle any situation and that his past will not hinder him or us. I hope that Scar'let will have greater control over herself and be able to be the priestess she is training to be. And, I pray that Deomo will come to understand and accept himself and know his goals more clearly, discover and understand the man beyond the feral.

I need more rest and another dose of meds. But i will record more on the Rites of Passage when I wake up.

Log: Dec. 23, xxx4: Brem & Deomo @ the Library

I woke fully today to the sound of Brem over my comm and the feel of him in my heart.
I was driven over to the Library in Theed to research and relax in a familiar environment... *smile* and to meet with Brem for a bit.

I have medication to take at fairly regular intervals. I hope i can hold out long enough to get some quality time in with Brem. This drug is very experimental and the dosages are a trial. We will see how long this first dose hold out. Time is 9:00pm. This will be a working test and i am the subject.

Brem met me at the Library. And he updated me on some of the news over the past few days. I could feel him nearly exploding with joy to see me. I could not stop grinning... more so once he held me in his arms, unwilling to let me go. I could have stayed there forever and forgotten the world. Then he timidly mentioned that Deomo wanted to see me.

Deomo.

Oh gods. Ok. I can do this. He deserves to know some things. I tested his blood after all from the sample I stole when the rancor knocked him out. I will not divulge all just yet, but he deserves to know about the feral genes and the rumors that I am 99% sure are true now. I was nervous. Last I saw him, he was embedding a blade into my wrist. *shiver*

Brem lent me all his support. This needed to be done. When Deomo arrived... he did not look like the same man at all. He knelt at a distance from me. Puzzlement and uncertainty barely hidden by he stoic mask. He spoke softly though sternly. He wanted to know things from me, that he was advised to see me. So I told him of some of my findings in his blood sample. I also told him the rumors of the Imperials taking Zabrak and feral Zabrak to be elite killers in the Empire.

Then i shared something that I know from the Zabrak Jedi priest from the old Temple. About assassins that are hired to deal with a potential tribemen about to dishonour the tribe. I have more on this but I am not willing to write it here. He told me about how he was outcats at the age of 10 for killing his father. But he did not have the details and had many mental gaps. A sign that these FS assassins may have attempted mind alteration on him. I told him all I could. He was understandably upset and confused. I also told him a bit about the rites he never got to go through. He wants to go through them. I said I couldn't lead him. but was helping Max prepare them for Sacr'let. Maybe if Cauil helped, we could prepares them for Deomo too. He wants help. He genuinely wants to undersatnd why he is the way he is, who he is and what is really happeneing to him. I almost told him of the bio-chem findings... but...

The medication wore off and I was fast losing balance and focus. deomo actually showed... concern. Then everything narrowed to Brem. Brem and my dire need to get back to the med centre for another dose. I pray I do not need to life like this forever.

***Kimbrya's Mental Archive: Lab Research Deomo: Dec. 23, xxx4***

No, my mind is never quiet. There is just too much to learn and plan and think of. Like the tests I recently did on Deomo's blood. I wish I could have the opportunity to share what I know. He deserves to know. Being in stasis has allowed me to sift through some of the knowledge I have and compare it to some rumors I had heard in the Library.

Deomo's blood:
Pure Zabrak with the radiation traces of those conceived and born on Iridonia. He shows a strong gene DNA for what we now can confirm is for the Feral nature, not an uncommon genetic mutation, but as most feral children are put to death... we rarely get an opportunity to verify this. He obviousley has not been run through the Rites of Passage to learn to control it. I can now confirm that the rumor that the Empire tries to recruit these if they can and tap into that feral nature, nurture it to make cold elite killers. *shivers*
Interesting... there seems to be a near match to Scar'let's (not as exact as Maxell's) of a bio-chemical runnning through his blood. I did not think that Tai'shan could be with more than one. I do not know if this means they are or not. But, this is definately interesting.
The energy output is very high indicating strong Force Sensitivity.

*smile*
I will get to be at the Library for a few hours to see Brem.

**Medical Note to Brem: Dec. 23, xxx4**

Officer Brem Stone:

We would like to inform you that we have made a small breakthrough for your partner's health. We have developed a drug, though experimental, that we think may be able to keep her stable. We are not sure for how long, but this is a start and a major breakthrough!

We have administered the first dose and will bring her out of stasis this evening.

Private Medical Doctor
*name undisclosed*

***Medical Report***

Kimbrya slipped into a coma suddenly while we were working on one more test. I am surprised that her vitals are still holding out. It is as if she has a bond to something/someone that lends her such strength. We are considering putting her in stasis for the week to hold her in stability.

!!

She stirred from the coma. Yes. We put her in stasis now!

Officer Brem Stone:
Please be assured that your partner may yet pull through. We will have further news for you on Thursday.

*Personal Log: December 19, xxx4*

My regularity of keeping this journal has not gone well over the recent day. I have been in and out of testing and experiments. It is fascinating and frustrating at the same time. Even though I am distracted at times with thoughts of Brem and the whispering in my mind. I am getting used to the whispering. And... well... I enjoy being distracted by thoughts of Brem. *smile*

I was thinking of Life Day again. And of my health. And of what to tell Brem. For the moment, the prognosis is really not good. I am at risk of organ failure withing the next few days. They want to put me into stasis till they can work out a solution, but I want to spend my time with Brem.

The doctor let me out of the private lab today to see Brem. I must tell him the situation. I know he can feel it. I can feel that he feels it... and worries.

Met with Brem and we went to see if a rumor was true about there being a Life Tree in Cirt of Rage on Tattooine. We arrived at the city to a wonderous sight of an AT-AT!! We then saw the tree. The tree was incredible. Tall and vibrant with a spiraling scaffolding to climb. I fell off at some point, but was only bruised and with my excitement didn't even notice as I climbed again. The view... OH the view. You could see across the whole city! One day the Temple should get a city built behind it, and then set up a tree like that.

Some guy, Ike'Turner, faced off with Brem claiming that Maxell hired him to hunt and kill Brem. But that request was like 2 weeks old. This guy must not be a very good hunter to have taken so long. Maxell has since dealt with Brem differently and has Brem under his command. The guy left warning us that there are 4 others that are after him still. Brem will take it up with Maxell.

We then headed to the Temple. Wow. Scar'let started decorating it. I am so glad. It was nice to sit by the brazier. There I sat and talked with Brem. I explained my health situation and that... that I may not have long to live. I think he understood. We cried. I love him so much, I do not want to leave him. My spirit, I know, will always be with him.

Brem, I will always love you. My spirit will always be with you.
My love is deeper that deep space and more expansive that the entire galaxy.
My love is forever.
When you feel lost and alone, my spirit will warmly embrace you and soothe your soul.
Remember our times together in the Library. Remember Life Day. Remember giggling. *tilts head, smiles, scrunches her nose and giggles*
Remember...

I love you Brem. Always and Forever.

*Personal Log: Dec. 16, xxx4*

Brem and I traveled from Naboo to Yavin. I an not fond of being in the wilds. Yavin is full of jungle. But the ceremony was beautiful. I took care to log everything. Brem come up to stand behind me and wrap his arms about my waist, leaning his cheek on the back of my shoulder, as i wrote. It was such a comfort and strength. I had to pause to simple enjoy the warmth of his embrace. I rubbed my cheek against his head and touched his fingers with mine a moment. The peacefulness in this area was incredible. I wish we could stay there forever. *wipes a tear from the page*

On our return to the base to get our flight back to Naboo, we were attacked. Neither of us were buffed or armored. The creature spat something at me and knocked me out, falling from my bike. And again as I recovered. Brem charged after it to give me a chance to run. But there were too many. They took him down and then took me down as I got up.

We woke in the cloning facility. I ... was so not well. Shaking, nausious... The doctor warned me not to clone again. I was frightened. The pains were terrible. Brem rushed me to the Theed Med centre where my doctor took me right away to his private clinic.

I am still in pain. And breathing is a bit difficult. The shakes keep taking me. He says it will subside in a day or so. But I am not allowed to leave... not till they do. Brem has sat by my side... *weak smile* as ordered. It was a good outing. I hope to see other things with Brem when I can walk from the clinic again. I need to rest now.

Log: Dec. 16, xxx4: Wookie Life Day

Brem and I went to a Wookie Life Day Ceremony.

Scar'let REALLY needs to go to this. And not just because she will be a priestess one day to serve all cultures... but she... NEEDS this. So Maxell... if you are reading this... consider this an metaphoric titanium scaffolding rod in the head!

I am quoting almost verbatum what I heard from thr Wookies at this ceremony. They asked that I pass it on. And so I promised.

History
Wookie Life Day began as a Holiday on Kashyyyk, but has since grown beyond its planetary borders. The concepts of Life Day are univeral in nature. Many cultures and peoples who have learned of them have begun to practice them on their own worlds.

Home and family is extremely important to Wookie Life Day. One returns home through whatever harships to celebrate with their family at the Tree of Life.

Current Situation
The Renewal of Life is one of the Life Day goals. Becasue of the horrors the Empire has inflicted upon the honourable Wookies, this aspect of Life Day has taken on an even greater meaning. Wookies have been taken into slavery for the strength to mine and build such monstrosities as the Death Star.

Wookies value their freedom. They cannot and do not take life for granted. Each sunrise, each childbirth, each breath is a renewal, a reminder to live each day to the fullest.

Rememberance for the Future
Life Day is also about rememberance. Rememberance of loved ones lost. This is one of the major tenets of Life Day. To use this time to reflect on our ancestors and in family members who are no longer among the living.

To remember their sacrifices and deeds and the things that made us laugh. By remembering the dead, we keep their memory alive and learn from the action that came before. A Life Day Orb has been used to help honour the fallen.

The Life Day Orb is a traditional part of the celebration. It shows a field of stars representing the afterlife. The beings of Kashyyyk believe that when they die, they walk off into the stars.

*** Brem & I ***

I got to meet Brem in the Library, on the balcony. I was so exited with my news of my research I blathered like an excited shild about a new toy! I don't think he understood ha;f of what I said... but I am happy he listened.

We got to snuzzle and cuddle. I opened myself up to him... feeling our bond. I can feel him so strongly... in me... I bet he can feel me. I wonder if he can feel that I am ill. I do not want to worry him.

I allowed his strength to carry me, his touch. I could... taste him in the air, musky and strong. We made love on the balcony of the Library. I let myself go to be swept on the currents of our passions, unlike last time when I kept a tight control of things. He kept himslef in check. We were like water rolling over smoothed rocks and ebbing and flowing on a sandy beach with perfect rhythm. It was bliss. I hope he never forgets this moment.

Brem... I love you.
My spirit will always be with you. Part of you.
Never forget that...

***Kimbrya's Mental Archive: Lab reseach & Maxell: Dec. 14, xxx4***

Although I am cooped up here in a private lab and med facility... i got to do the most fascinating research! I got to study Zabrak-Human DNA in regards to the Tai'SHan bonds. My blood sample, Brem's, Maxell's and Scar'let's. All kinds of thing were discovered.

My blood:
Human with a small strain of Zabrak DNA, like my father.
The energy output is low like normal humans with no Force Sensitivity.
Bio-shemical runs through my blood and matches the bio-chem running in Brem's... our Tai'shan bond.
The celular walls are weak though... causing breakdown in severl ways.
*I understand why. It pains me to know. It pains me more for Brem. I am glad we had the time we did together. I will not be on this plane for long. I am not sure how to tell him. I beleive he suspects, though.*

Maxell's blood:
Human with a larger strain of Zabrak DNA. (Wonder if his son has this too... must.) What compared to other normal human and other normal Zabrak DNA there is an interesing code difference. After comparing it to Scar'let's we have determined that this is part of the coding for Feralness. There are other genes DNA codes in his blood as well, similar to other humans who have exhibited "psyonic gifts" that are not Force related.
Bio-shemical runs through his blood and matches the bio-chem running in Scar'let's... their Tai'shan bond.
The energy output is very high indicating Force Sensitivity.

Brem's Blood:
Pure Zabrak. Contains damaged and disfunctional nano-technology. Proof of the implant he has/had. The alloid levels are low indicating that the implant must have been removed.
(Brem is one of the Zabrak taken at birth and raised with an implant to control them so they could be "killing machines" for the Empire.) His adrenolyn levels are high, also proof of this implant as it trains the body to maintain a conctantly high level.
Bio-shemical runs through his blood and matches the bio-chem running in mine... our Tai'shan bond.
The energy output is very high indicating Force Sensitivity.

Scar'let's blood:
Pure Zabrak with the radiation traces of those born on Iridonia. She shows a strong gene DNA for what we believe is for the Feral nature, not an uncommon genetic mutation. However, most born with it are put to death in their culture at birth or run through through the Rites of Passage early to learn to control it (or are put to death if they fail). It would be interesting to get more samples from other known Ferals for comparison. The doctor here says that there is rumor that the Empire tries to recruit these if they can and tap into that feral nature, nurture it to make... (oh gods... deomo...) *shivers* There are also strange anomolies in her blood as residue from some sort of dangerous experimental drugs. (Must get Maxell to find this out. This residue is causing health issues.)
There are other genes DNA codes in her blood as well, similar to humans who have exhibited "psyonic gifts" that are not Force related.
Bio-shemical runs through her blood and matches the bio-chem running in Maxell's... their Tai'shan bond.
The energy output is very high indicating Force Sensitivity.
Tested her for pregnancy at Maxell's request. Negative. The drug residue is likely interfering with conception. (I am so sorry Max!)

This has been so fun and interesting and EXCITING! To be part of a study like this.

I was permitted time to speak with Maxell over a secure channel. We spoke at length about Zabrak culture and the puberty Rites of Passage where by the youth is challenged and learns self-control. I described what I knew to Maxell:

Rites of Passage : Puberty
There are four, each with a challenge. And Rites have 3 stages. Often though, the challenges can be paired for 2 rites instead of 4.

Three Stages of any Rite of Passage

• stage 1: Isolation from Tribe: period of separation or isolation whereby the initiate considers their life as it has been
• stage 2: Transition: here is the challenges and the lessons are learned, it is a liminal stage, dangerous and full of "otherworldlyness" the youth may face things and learn from them or be consumed by them and die
• stage 3: Reintegration to the Tribe: return to isolation to absorb the lessons and then come back into "society" as a new being

The 4 Challenges

1. Physical: Physical is to face a physical challenge usually a fight or a hunt with some success and some loss and how to accept both
2. Mental: the mental is a challenge of thought and logic and mentaal stress usually in the form of ...strategy
3. Emotional: Emotional is the challenge of passion and trust in loved ones, can the initiate be pushed and NOT attack those dearest to her trust in her emotional state... or they are challenged to face the emotional trauma of things they have experienced
4. Spiritual: spiritual is the trust in others and the facing of personal fears, to trust when all other signs indicate otherwise

Maxell expressed that this sounds like a dangerous game to play. Well Zabrak are dangerous people with strict social codes and highly aggressive/passionate natures. This rough treatment hones them. Dangerous... the danger lies in how much the youth trusts themselves and others... and what kind of power the Feral has over the youth. Such ordeals also help the tribe discover the various callings of its members: to be warriors, artisans, dimpomats, clergy....

I am now too tired. I hope to rest and be givin some leave to see Brem later. Brem *smile*.

*Personal Log: Brem...*

Brem! At last!!!
I have missed you so it ACHES!!!! The distance between us makes me so weak...
It was wonderful to see you again. The tatts are lovely... I liked tracing my fingers around them and kissing the dot on your brow.

The doctors have called me in for MORE tests. I will be sitting in the med centre, doing healing and reseach. I promised to comm Maxell about the research.

Oh Brem. I am so worried about you. If you need, close your eyes and think of dancing on the Library balcony in the rain. Feel me slide my arms around your waist. And kiss your brow. Washing away the pain, the darkness. I am a glowing green crystal. I am cool clensing water. I am always with you, my love.

***Medic Report***

Medic: Undercover Ops, name undisclosed

Report:
Several things in the recent tissue tests have shown some instabilities from the last cloning. I need you to come in for further tests. I know you are under strain to accomplish research. Please come in for these tests. I will set up a location for you to continue research and to comm with others. My private office. Your father would kill me if he knew I was letting you about, knowing you are hunted thus and... Just come in.

Log: Dec. 12, xxx4: Maxell's Interrogation

I was speeding through the Nabooina hills researching the Shrines again. I am very distressed about Brem. Maybe they can help him. I know something is wrong... but what?

Maxell met me along the way.

He had so many questions for me. About the things I know. The rituals. The rites. Zabrak. Brem and Scar'let. I want to help. I want to bring things into balance. I want peace from this endless hunting of us all and the stuff in my head.

I am tired of it all. I am so very very tired of everything. I am sapped. I feel myself draining away lending Brem what little strength I have.

Oh how I miss him.

Maybe Maxell can help. Maybe if I teach him what I know of Zabrak and the rites of passage... Brem has never been through them. Maybe Maxell can help. How much can I share? Do I know enough?

*Personal Log: Dec.11, xxx4: What do we do?!?

I finished my conference and with the new data I called up Brem all excited.
He came back to me ... concerend. Asking if I had a safe place to stay.
*blink blink*
Dolch had given me access to his house. ....

I pack the Temple now. NOW! That it must be moved NOW! I called Brem on this.

Deomo knows I am alive and has a personal vendetta to get me and finish what he stared.

*shock*

I rushed around packing the Temple into logical packs so it could easily be unpacked. A pack or box per room, relatively. Brem helped me pack. I could feel the tension within him. Like a warrior, he was bracing himself for something horrible. It set my nerves on edge.

Then Brem jumped. He told me we leave immediately. Deomo was coming. I was already shaking inside. Breathing was a bit difficult but I focesed. I am water, I can fo with the flow. The strain was terrible. I went to a safe place. Brem protected me along the way. He went ahead and ensured safety. Then I arrived. By the time i got to the house, I was dizzy. I was shaking physically, visibly. Brem. I wanted Brem. Brem ran out to get things from a friedn and his house. I sat, afraid I would fall. Then... Black. I blacked out. Curled on the floor... alone. Brem... Oh Brem... I am scared.

Log: Dec. 11, xxx4: Jedi Shrines

At last, I have a listing of all the Jedi Shrines in the galaxy. So here is the list. Now to do some hands on research!

Naboo:
-6859,-1937 / -2582, -6187 / 2377, -473 / 7182 -234

Lok:
-2132, 5938 / 5455, 3805 / -5806, 1977 / -3641, -6030 /
4978, -5674

Tatooine:
-6505, -3667 / 5632, 6015 / 5264, 113 / 5958, -5685 /
-3622, 5280

Rori:
-6375, 6403 / -926, 6046 / 307, -978 / -4496, 7531 /
6854, -1221

Coreillia:
-7391, -3938 / 6092, -5578 / -6907, 4527 / -2384, 6393 /
6300, 6687

Dantooine:
-6173, 4120 / 2163, 7548 / 2640, -1536 / -6999, -5269 /
-1814 -6202

Endor:
-5627, 4813 / 670, 5548 / -5055, -1703 / -3870, -4467 /
5116, 1923

Yavin4:
-3362, 6914 / 6455, 6423 / -4585, -3761 / 2389, -4934

Dathomir:
-4148, 5926 / 1654, -5765 / 3087, 4887 / 5570, -1514 /
-4961, -3493

Talus:
-5449, -3239 / 5760, -5208 / -5785, 4478 / 318, 5842

*Personal Log: Dec. 11, xxx4: Missing Brem*

Oh how I miss him! I headed to the Temple to meet him. He has been training so hard. It stressed me to see him wounded. Healing and treating his wounds while we talked exhausted me more than I had expected. The doctors had told me that I need to keep calm for a few days more. Thant I am more fully healed myself. But Brem was wounded. I ... had to heal him as much as I could. Finally I just snuggled into his lap and enjoyed the feel of his arms protectively around me. I told him bits of my research on Zabrak and that Scar'let had asked me to research Jedi Shrines. We arranged that after I meet with a conference call on these Shrine, that Brem and I would spend the evening together exploring them. I was so looking forward to having time with him. I miss his touch. I miss his warm words. I want to know him more. I want to be with him.

After the conference call.
=]
See you then... my love.

* Personal Log: December 10, xxx4 *

I got to see Brem and speak with him. Hear from him directly about this choice he made to return to the Imperial guild he once left. I love him deeply in my being and understand somewhat his choice, though not completely. It does not chnage the man he is, or the experinces we had and will have. I wanted to talk more. I wanted to hold him. But my comm rang and Maxell was asking for me to help him. If I got too close to brem now, I would not have a clear head to deal with Maxell. And his situation is of a delicate nature. Not to mention, I must be cautious about being tempted by honey to divulge what I have learned from the old ruins. I have seen how intrigues in the Senate worked. Internal politics and all.

I went to visit Maxell in Hendola. He was in quite a state. I think my words and advice helped him. I had some of my suspicions confirmed. He is a resiliant man once he understand what is going on. I wish him the best of luck in this dangerous challenge. I pray he succeeds, if not for the sake of others, for his own sake. Deomo seems to be inadvertently or purposefully (i believe the latter) undoing all Maxell's efforts. Let us hope Deomo is busy tonight. I will see what I can do to ensure that.

Log: Dec. 10, xxx4: Avios

A man named Avios, Maxell's son, contacted me on my comm, sounding quite distressed. I initially worried that the Impirials were suspecting Maxell for helping or sympathizing with me and thus he was now in trouble and his son was coming to me to ask fro some kind of assistance. I was quite wrong. Maxell is "ill" in a sense. I know why and think I can help. I will need to speak with Maxell. I told Avios all I can about Zabrak and Humans and some lesser known research. I fear Avios left with more questions than answers. He is a kind fellow, much like his father. *krinkles nose* Yes, so like his father.I hope he does not suffer as his father is. Perhaps my research and the experience he is having with his father will help prepare him for if he should ever be faced with something similar.

I am not prepared to record my research yet on these matters. But I assure you I will. I am still gathering data and cross referencing my sources.

Log: Dec. 10, xxx4: Shrines #1

Scar'let had asked me to do some research on Force Shrines in the galaxy. I am digging for the waypoints through all the new and old and even forgotten records, as well as drawing upon what is jammed in my encyclopaedic mind. As soon as I have gathered sufficiant data, I will post my findings. At the moment, I am verifying the waypoints. I am also verifying the similarities and differences in these shrine. I wish there was a Jedi with me to test the Force energy at these shrines and describe the effects to me. I want to know if these shrines are neutral and any jedi, light or dark, could access them. I want to know if these shrines are more one or the other. I want to know more about the fuctionality of these shrines. I am sorry if this upsets some. A few have told me I am demystifying them and ruining their wonder through my clinical observation and analysis.

I need to know. Not just for the sake of knowing, but for the sake of those dear to me and new friends made.

Current Observations:
- Each shrine (thus far I have seen 3 and only two via vidcam from Scar'let's datapad) look the same. They appear as a central hooded figure with a sword flanked by two dmaged pillars with spires and in front of the figure is a broken stone.
- FS (Force Sensitive) people feel a kind of peace and balance at these shrines.
- The shrine exude large amounts of energy, you can see blue electriciy dancing areound the central stone.
- Historical reference: Jedi have meditated at them in days of old for some kind of healing or empowerment.

Log: December 9, xxx4

I was released from hospital today. It was good to be out. I was not allowed near anything... not even a datapad! The rest was good and needed. I am mostly healed, still a bit weak but healed.

Report:
Wounding and cloning at time of miscarriage: resultt hysterectomy deemed necessary
Weakness in left elbow and wrist from injuries sustained during interrogation.
Expect full recovery otherwise.
Advise for low stress over the coming weak.
Advise for counselling for emotional trauma, although patient is proving to be remarkably stable and mentally strong.
In case of overstress or relapse of any sort, return to hospital for observation.

That was my final report as Scar'let came to pick me up. She told me Brem was out training.
I was brought to the Temple with a medic as an assistant to watch over me for the next day or so. The temple is a wonderful place, comfortable and peaceful. Scar'let seemed very stressed, locked tight within herself. I hope she speaks with some confidents before she snaps. Zabrak need to have a release of some sort, but a controlled release or they lose control. I fear she may not have gone through the rites of passage of her tribe. But I will have to look into theat later. Today, I explored the Temple shadowed by the medic. The meditations room are ... perfect. The ritual spacebeautiful, though unfinished. I have a room of my own not too far from Brem's.

Brem. I miss him already. If I close my eyes, and allow myself to be at peace, I can almost feel him. He is tired, stressed, worried, but determined and focused. I wish I could reach out and just hold him, comfort him. I tried to visualise this happening, wrapping my arms around him with all my love. I hope he is well. I hope to see him soon.

---

D'artagnan. Who IS this guy!!!??? I never met him before. He came on my comm and told me something perposterous! He told me Brem could not be trusted. Told me Brem was a traiter and weak-minded. Told me that the Dark Side of the Force will have him. Told me that Brem was out slaughtering mindlessly! I do not believe it! He told me... told me Brem joined the Imperials and that he is his superior officer and was witness to the registration. NO! It cannot be!!! I ... I don't understand!

I called Brem up and... he said some of it was true but... but...

I... remember nothing after that. I woke again in the hospital. BREM! I need to see you!!!

**Note from Kimbrya's Doc**

It is truly amazing. For a human, Kimbrya has shown great resiliance. Almost as if she were Zabrak. Her wounds have left her permanently unable to bear children ever in the future, but she seems accepting. Sad, but accepting. Otherwise she is a joy to have as a patient. She is cooperative, inquisitive and has such a smile you cannot help but smile back.

She is eager to see Brem.

She is also eager to get back to her medical training. She is even more determined to complete it now than she ever was.

I believe she will be able to be released from our care very soon, Thursday I think.

*Name undisclosed*

***Unspeakable***

Kimbrya was moved to a prison on Talus. I private secure location with Interrogation facility attached. She spent some time in that prison.

An opportunity arrived as she felt Brem near. Courage bolstered, stirred to rash action, she made a run for it when they moved her to the Interrogation room. No one was watching the door... she bolted. She can run fast.

They caught her as some creatures attacked her. She was badly wounded but made another run for it. They shot her down. A doc came to revive her. Unfortunately thes child was miscarried in the revival process.

Deomo took her for interrogation. He interrogated her himself. The cruelty of his actions cannot even be described here... the galaxy and the Force cringed for it. She released some information that was interesting... but not what was sought.

Brem and a few rebels were at the facility. Feeling her pain on intimate levels through their Tai'Shan bond (for that is what it is), he could no longer wait for help to arrive. Driven by need her charged in, not thinking of the consequences. Their small rescue team was obliterated easily by the Imperials ready for such a thing. Kimbrya's execution was ordered, as per before: "should an attempt to rescue be made, execute the prisoner... no one shall have what she has."

Deomo executed her with pleasure, as he had shot her down earlier, and smiled at his memory of torturing her... then felt disappointed that it was cut short so soon.

She lay in a shallow grave not far from the facility's city. Her DNA records wiped by Cauil orders. Thankfully Brem has a sample he was using to help him try to locate her. The clone droids went out to claim her body and a painful revival process occurred.

Brem brought her, broken and bleeding, to the Temple. Scar'let had him take her to a room set up for her, where she wept on his shoulder till exhaustion swept her to sleep and a doc was called in to take her to a secret hospital for specialized treatment.

*** Kimbrya's Thoughts While in the Emporer's Retreat***

I have sat here for two days. I am chained to a wall. I am on display for every Imperial that comes through here. I am dressed in a Rebel Flight Suit. They pass me and call me rebel traiter. I try to tell them I am not. They spit at me. They kick me. They pet me on the head like I am an animal.

A few have stopped to ask why I am there. I impore them to help me.

None do.

Then Vader came to take me. Something frustrated him greatly. He could not reach into my mind, like he can with others. He also could not break or smother this bond I have with Brem. So... Brem can feel me! What a revelation!

*SHOCK*

Vader sensed I was with child, newly conceived. No. Can't be. Brem is Zabrak! I am Human! Oh gods.......... we are Tai'shan. vader had a medic determine for sure if I was pregnant with a blood test. I am. Oh Brem! Oh Brem... How will I tell you? I need you to know.

Maybe I can convince one of the passing Imperials to be sympathetic enough to at least pass on this message, that I am still alive and with his child, even if they never disclose my whereabouts.

Maxell has been kind. He speaks so gently to me. I smile for him. He inspires me to remember the things that make me happy. He asked me a few questions in his passing. I felt I wanted to tell him more, everything... but something guarded me from doing so. He is Imperial, though kind, he is still wanting the same information. He and cauil have had words in front of me.

Cym came by. She is the girl who helped me the other day learn First Aid! She was very distressed to see me there. I tried to convince her to leave, to not get involved. Her Imperial companion was nasty and will likely repoert her as sympathetic to me. Maxell also tried to disuade her from getting involved. He can be cold. I see that now. It is hard to tell his intentions. Someone will get news to Brem. Someone must. I hope one of the people I have talked with does.

Brem... Brem... Find me soon, please.

Maxell gave me some food and milk. It was good after two days of nothing. I ate them slowly. I am a medic, I know the dangers of eating too much too fast after days of nothing.

So now I sit and wait...........
What will become of me? What will they do to me? Interrogate me? What woudl I tell them?

Cauil's Log Of the Evening of Capture

I had to take a public transport from Naboo all the way out to the dusty planet Tatooine today, and I think it helped shape my foul mood. I have not been back to Tatooine since the early days of my Imperial career, and with good reason, the place is horrible. If it had been left to me, Tatooine would have made an excellent location to demonstrate the power of the Empire's Death Star.

I always feel out of place without my uniform, but perhaps I have grown too accustomed to the political life of a higher-ranking Imperial officer and forgotten what the military is all about. It is in fact due to the failures of other Imperial agents that led to me being tasked to head up this assignment personally. I have to succeed today; I know what happens to men who return to tell the Emperor they have failed.

When I arrived in Mos Eisley I found the two men I had selected for this assignment already waiting for me. Deomo, a Bounty Hunter of no small skill, and Lao, an old friend. I spared only a few minutes to brief them on the plan and together we descended on the Mos Eisley Medical Center where an informant had suggested the principle Mark might be found. It turns out the tip was good, looks like I will keep him around a little longer.

Among the numerous bystanders stood Brem, clearly protective of the Mark, Kimbrya. Intelligence had reported him to be a Bounty Hunter and a man not to be taken lightly, so the orders I gave were to kill him first. He fought well, but of course there is no matching decades of experience and expert Imperial training.

Kimbrya tried to escape, of course. She was caught easily enough. Interestingly we found a tracking device on her, but it was not hidden well and I had brought a transmission jammer just in case. The captain of the local transport off the planet and back to Naboo did his job well also, I guess I will have to make sure to give him a good write up in his report. Maybe even single him out for promotion.

Although I was worried an attempt to retrieve our then bound cargo might prove difficult to overcome, the walk to the Emperor's Retreat proved mostly uneventful. We had to only put down criminals who had no idea who they were attacking and sporadically hostile wildlife.
After leaving Kimbrya in the care of the Imperial Inquisitor, a man I had personally worked for in my earlier years I could not help but feel a twinge of sadness. I know what was happening had to be done, and my loyalty to the Emperor is as always unwavering. But why do young people still throw their lives away defying the Empire. Oh well, one more ghost to haunt my sleep. There's so many of them now.

I still wish I knew more about why a silly girl was of such importance to the Empire. Maybe I'll do some more asking around. What good is it to be a Colonel in the Imperial Security Bureau if you can't use the privileges accorded your rank from time to time?

Signed: Cauil

*** Kimbrya's Last Thoughts in the Mos Eisley Med Centre***

The other med centres were so quiet. I was asked to go try another for my med practice. Who would have thought! I was so sure that the big cities, busy as they are, would NOT need my assistance. However, the filthy back-dust holes like Mos Eisley were in dire need. I guess I will stay here for the next few days.

After healing one Marksman, he was able to assist me. Then a novice, more novice than I arrived. I ... funny... I, as the senior medic now here, instructed her as best I could and set her to work. We were busy for several hours without a break. Brem came out to keep me company. I was lad to see him. I hadn't since our night on the Library balcony. I wanted to talk to him further on that, but needed to site and make up some more medicine. As I was making another action wound pack, more people started showing up.

First one man then another stood at a distance fully aromored. I was about to tell them to disarmor themselves to help with the healing (as some folks don't realize how hard it is to treat them with their armor still on) when I noticed that he was buffed. A quick scan into his bio... Deomo... Imerial SSS. The man next to him armored and buffed as well... Lao... Imperial SSS. Brem lept up and armored himself. I got ready to run as he had instrusted I do if trouble ever came. DARN!! I got complacent! Nothing had happened for so many days, I THOUGHT I WAS SAFE! SSS... I will not forget that guild. Brem fought them I turned to run and ran right into another ... Cauil, who attacked me. I pulled my CDEF carbine on him, but my skill was really nil by comparison. I am just an Archivist! I only record histories and facts, religious ceremonies. WHY Why?!? does the Empire want this!? ME!? Why kill keople for it!? It is ... nothing but stuff from a religious order no longer in existance!! Brem went down. Oh my gods... BREM!!! *run* I ran. I ran. But I could not outrun them. They came at me from all side. BREM!!! *choked* Brem... They caught me anyways... I may never get the chance to find out for sure... if I carry Brem's child now. If I do... Brem may never know either... Oh Brem...

Log: December 1, xxx4

I have tried to do some further research on the old temple ruins. Nothing much turned up more than what I know. Maybe the Empire want the names of the jedi? But they are all dead. Even the one non-jedi preistess in training who escaped has dies in September of this year. But otherwaise, I have learned that is jammed in my head are rites and rituals. Both seem completely useless to the Empire. Why hunt me?

Well I am back to work in the hospitals. I practiced in Coronet and Theed. But have not learned new skills. I have neglected my bio-chem experimentation. I am running out of inorganic materials. It is also very tedious. I want to see people! I want to talk with people and make new friends. I don't want to be cooped up in a med lab all day!

Maybe I will go back to the library and dance in the rain again.

=*]

Llog: Nov. 30, xxx4: Intimacy

Here is where I am not sure what came over me. I had done some research on Zabrak. Brem seems to have a "bond" with Scar'let. That is how he found her yesterday. Perhaps they are Tai'Shan. That is a strong bonding of sorts. If it is mixed with love and Force Sensitivity, it is a long lasting bond. But Tai'shan is a biological thing really. I will have to do more research on it.

What I know so far:
Tai'Shan :
-consort as known by Zabrak tribes
-unique bio-chemical physical response between two Zabrak (man and woman)
-possibly restricted to those possessing the Force (innate or awakened)
-stirs the 2 to uncontrolled passions
-with birthrates low and infirtility high among the race from generations (now genetic) of radiation poisoning, the Tai'shan is the only guaruntee of a child, superb cloning and ex-utero births have been developed to compensate. Such unions as those between Tai'Shan always produce a child.
-Polyamoury is commone among Zabrak as can be seen in several diverse sentiant species (Humans & Twi'lek to name a few) but Tai'shan is between only 2.

"Pairing involves the custom of Tai Shan, which is based upon the use of the acute sense of smell to recognize compatible pheromones secreted by a female (and rarely a male) as a subtle scent or musk, which leads to a rapid attraction and then to successful pairing for life. Matched pheromones create chemicals with powerful aphrodisiac properties which lead to very rapid courtship and stable life bonds being undertaken. Under certain conditions, these bio-chemicals cause mind expanding drugs to be manufactured within the bodies of the paired couple. When ingested by each from the other, the drug enhances power derived from the Force and generates a transcendental state of being which reinforces the pair-bond during the mating process. It is the responsibility of the male partner to initiate the activities which create these bio-chemicals and to aid their ingestion.
Such is the immediacy and power of this attraction, and realisation that each is meant for the other, that In very ancient times the 'courtship' frequently consisted of acts approaching 'consensual rape' and sexual violence, which transmuted to a deep and abiding love once the female had submitted. It is the suddenness and violence of the act which is distressing, for the female is less able to resist the violence, even though she is in the same state of need as the male, who often, in his confusion, will heedlessly beat her senseless lest she fail to accept him."

This is not good. If what he has told me of Scar'let and her history of being enslaved and violated, and of his effection and concern for her. I bet he is terrified that he might hurt her.

We will have to talk.

We did, in the library. I love the balcnoy is my favorite place. Lovers have come here, monks for meditations, people just seeking peace. I like to dance in the rain here when no one is looking!
*blushed shyly*

Brem and I met here to talk and for me to learn more of him. He has lived a tough life, serving the Empire by force. A method of exo-mental implant control. I surgery I had done research on a few years ago for a doctor I once met in the Library. It is commonely used on non-human soldiers of the empire to guaruntee their service and keep them chained like dogs. Sentients are not animals! Well, I could not express that view as a neutral archivist. Brem had suffered this but a malfunction gave him freedom and he changed his face and his ways and sought something new. He then met Scar'let and was immediately drawn to her sincerety and devotion. She is a remarkable woman from the sound of things. Survives great trauma and is still willing to help others. They became friends, and now are so close they can feel the other, sometimes. She is a priestess, or almost, from what I gather. She and he have built a Temple.

This struck a chord in me. Whispering in my mind of familiarity. The voice that helped me help Brem yesterday. Yes, these are the people I need to share my knowledge with. I was overjoyed that when the rain came to the balcony, I lept up and danced about in it. Brem joined me. It was wonderful to see him smile and dance. He is remarkable graceful and so gently for a bounty hunter. He is however just in training and not yet a master of bounty hunting. he will be, I am sure. I hope he never loses that gentle nature and warm smile.

He watched me alot. It made me very shy. Soaked, I changed into my dress that I used to wear here in the library. He watched me more. My spine tingled under his gaze. He said that the way I always tilt my head when I smile or laugh or blush is captivating. And he can't not watch my freckles dance when I wrinkle my nose. (I have a bad habit of making quick nose wrinklings when I smile I get tease alot at how cute it is... and Brem is no less moved by it. I can't seem to NOT do these things though.)

What happened after... was almost a blur. We were so overcome with childish laughter and silliness that one thing led to another and ... I don't know what came over me... or him... not at first. We, we made love. I was his first. At first, he hurt me. But I managed to have him control himself, gentle himself. I was more aware. This needed to happen for some reason. Time seemed to stop for us as we explored each other and reached climaxes. Zabrak are intense passionate lovers! Nothing like engaging with other humans. *makes a mental note*

He was disturbed after though. Scar'let. He suddenly felt like he betrayed her. I could still feel some strange essense of him in me (and I am not refering to rude bodily fluid, thank you very much for the disgusting thought!). He was afraid and confused. He was not my first lover. So, I reassured him. This was supposed to happen for some unknown reason. Maybe to show him that he CAN get this close to someone and maintain self-control. He know was the rising passions feel like now. So, in future, when he and Scar'let get this close (and I know one day they will especially if they are Tai'Shan). he now knows he will not frighten nor harm the one he loves so dearly. I assured him I will not get between them.

I care for him too. But Tai'Shan is something sacred.

Wow... this is my longest entry! maybe I am getting better at this!

= *]

(nose wrinkle with a cute tilt of the head and a beaming bright infectiously innocent smile!)

Log: Nov. 30, xxx4: Kayon

I

I don't quite know what came over me.

I will start from the beginning, the logical place. I met a man in MosEisley, wounded, scared, whispering... "something wicked this way comes". He fears the Sith. I seen one in Theed kill a girl and *blink* Scar'let! Oh! I really hope Brem got her to safety! This man, Kayon, was being hunted by Whoami. I followed him, and kept him healed as best I could (good thing I bought a med R2 unit so I don't need the hospital to heal in all the time) so he could keep up the fight. Whoami will not forget me. I fear he will be trouble. I wonder if Kayon is Force Sensitive or a Jedi and that Whoami is a bouny hunter. Once safe, and Whoami left the scene. Kayon was doing better. He has interesting strength in him. And an interesting face. His hair is the colour of warm sand and his blue eye are almond shaped and exotic... gentle... But I can see that they hide many secrets and that he can and will be harsh if necessary. He thanked me and offered me a place of santuary on Tattooine. I will keep that secret, with the many other secrets I must carry.

As an archivist, I WANT to log everything. Facts, dates, events, the detailes in poit-form. But, but, I mustn't. Something in the things I know is important or dangerous. The Empire will hunt and kill for it. So I guard what I know with the conviction of religious faith.

Why can't people just live their lives? Live and let live?

People are interesting. Oh how I wanted to know more about Brem. I am as drawn to him as I was to the Ruins. I just NEEDED to know more about him, to be close to him. It was almost an intoxicating feeling. Why? What is wrong with me? I don't usually get this way with guys. None of the guys I have been with. *blush* (yes, I have had lovers... but never a relationship)

Log: November 29, xxx4

Brem snapped at me?! I only said hello.

He is very stressed. His dear friend, Scar'let, is in deep trouble. I understand. People snap under stress involving people they care about. She was captured and being hurt. We heard things over the comm. They were HORRIBLE! Brem could feel it. I mean really feel what she felt. Interesting. I wonder if they are Tai'Shan? I did a bit of research. Scar'let is Zabrak but has no birth record. Odd. So they must be Tai'Shan. No wonder he is beside himself. He can hardly think, let alone actually rescue her.

Tai'Shan: Unique bond between two Zabrak whereby each is bound by their spirit and can feel the other. Such bonds often cloud the mind when under any high emotions involving the partner (pain, loss, passion). Such unions always produce a child. Zabrak having difficulty conceiving or carrying to term, such unions are considered very sacred.

I led Brem to the Library Fountain Room to focus. Something, guided my words. I do not know what I said! Whatever I said, it helped. He found her through their bond. He was off like lightning. He will save her. I know he will. He loves her very much, I can see that. I hope to one day meet her. She is the one who sent him to watch over me. I wish to know more about her. I will see what I can find here in the Library.

Log: November 28, xxx4

Spent today with my nose to the data terminal studying xeno biology.

I have not seen or heard from Brem today. I hope his mission went well.

Log: Nov. 27, xxx4: Medical Training & More

I did some training in Coronet's Med Centre and then in Theed's.

In Theed, I met a young woman also working on Medic Training who offered to do combat tumbling for me. At first I did not understand. She showed me what she meant. It is crazy! tumblers overexert themselves and push their limits doing themselves harm! She them taught me how to make action and health would packs and Stim B packs. It is the Stim B's that I can use to heal tumblers and the experience worked well. We laughed and talked. I think she is Imperial, but I also think I have a new friend. She helped me complete all my First Aid training. Now to work on my diagnostic, organic chemistry, and pharmacology.

A rude sullistan came into the clinic running around naked. It was embarrassing. Has he no shame!

Brem showed up again. My guardian angel.

This sullistan spoke a language I did not understand. Neither did Cym. She was being sexually harrassed by him. When she left, he tried harrassing me. Brem got busy with an Imperial who dueled him then worked on trying to get rid of the Sullistan. NO SHAME!!!

We left for the Library. The naked Sullistan followed us half-way, then went to bother someone else. Perhaps Theed should not have closed its menatl asylum.

In Theed's Library, I asked Brem to teach me languages. I learned many languages:
Sullistan
Ithorian
Rodian
Trandoshan
Twi'lek

I then asked him to tell me about his life. I wanted to know him. The Library balcony is a peaceful place to be. I listened until he was called away for a mission. I am safe in the Library. So I went to do some research on the Temple ruins to try to find out why the Empire is so interested in it.

Log: Nov. 26, xxx4: Breakdown

Gethspara called me on my comm to see how I was. I don't understand why... but I spilled over uncontrollably. Crying and talking. Telling him about my discovery of the ruins, the hunters, me friend's death, my parents' death, Brem, the hunters and the sarlaac yesterday.

I think I had a breakdown.

He came to my side right away. When I was feeling more coherent, he offered to teach me to defend myself.

I have begun to learn to use a carbine gun. It is like a rifle, but smaller and more powerful. He gave me his old CDEF carbine called Noisy Cricket.

Log: Nov. 26, xxx4: Hospitalized

Yesterday, I was attacked by a bounty hunter who tried to get information from me. He passed me to these desert raiders for--- questioning. But I don't KNOW anything!! So they dropped me in the sarlaac pit of Tattooine!!! I woke in the cloning facility of some small city and made my way back to Mos Eisley to seek medical attention.

Brem met me there. I was stressed. I tried to tell him what happened. He said he heard my comm. Did I call for him? He was apologizing profusely for not making it in time. He went right to the sarlaac to find me. He got poisoned by it searching for me. I blacked out before I could help him.

The doctors said I did too much and did not allow peoper rest after the initial healing.

Log: Nov. 25, xxx4: Guilds & Chemistry

Many people have asked me to join their guild. Gethpsara, however has been both most persistant and yet not. He offers the sacntuary of his guild and its protection. I told him I was hunted, that I didn't want to bring danger to his door. He is so confident. Now if only I could have that in my medical practice. He assures me that as my skills develop, so too will my confidence.

I learned how to properly diagnose patients today and how to blend chemicals for some early medicines. I can now make a stim. This require some organic and inorgaic chemicals. The trainer told me I really needed to brush up on my chemistry and experimentation techniques.

Stim:
4 units of inorganic chemical (petro is poor for this purpose but all I have at the moment)
4 units of organic chemical (meats are ok, preferably if the Overall Quality is high, herbivore and avian meats do better than other meats, supposedly wheat is best but I have none right now)

Log: Nov. 25, xxx4: Brem Stone

He cought up with me at the tent. But gave me space. He killed some Imperials that were roaming too close. I finally asked him as boldly as I could why he was hunting me. The answer was not what I expected.

He is a bounty hunter, but also a dear friend of someone desperately trying to keep me and what I have learned at the ruins safe. He is charged to be my gaurdian. I have a protector. We talked a bit more. He seems remarkable kind and gentle for a bounty hunter. He taught me his language so I will always understand.

If a big cat could speak Basic with long breathy, purry rolled R's and with V's replacing B's... then this is Zabrak.

Remids me of a performance my parents took me to at the Theatre in Theed of the strong earthy drums and strong rhythms and synthed blends of big cat noises. It stirs something deep inside me.

Maybe, maybe I have another friend now. Brem and Gethspara.

Log: November 25, xxx4

Today is quiet. I traveled to Coronet to study Chemistry. A doctor there is very good. I learned a little about pharmacology and chemistry from him. But I was feeling distracted. He told me to take a break.

I traveled back to Naboo then to Tattooine. I found I missed Gethspara's kind voice. I feel lonely. My friend in Kaadara is dead for me trespassing in a ruined temple. So are my parents. Why does the Empire want me?!? Why are they hunting the few things I am close to?!?

Then there was Brem. Bounty Hunter in his Bio tag. He found me. A bounty hunter. I ran. I know how to zigzag in streets. I ran. I lost him. No I didn't. he found me again and spoke to me in a very feline purry language. Zabrak. I don't understand! I was scared. He switched to basic and called for me. I ran again till I was so exhausted. I collapsed in a tent outside MosEisley and just cried. Gethspara wasn't around to help me. I was alone. Am I going to die, too?

Log: Nov. 24, xxx4: Whispering

I heard whispering in my mind. I must have been dreaming. Brem Stone. The whispering was the name Brem Stone. So I took a chance and tried a private channel to Brem Stone. If he existed, he would answer. If he didn't, my comm would tell me no such person exists. I am too curious.

Brem is REAL! Not a figment of my imagination!

Was the whisper in my mind a warning? Or am I supposed to trust this person?

Maybe he is a Bounty Hunter.

Log: Nov 24, xxx4: Work

I landed in Coronet. Good. This is a fine and busy city, like Theed.

I went to the medical centre there to find it so very empty. A doctor told me that I would be needed in MosEisley, Tattooine.

Tattooine is a back-water, waterless planet. Primitive cities full of criminals. Dirty and dusty. When I arrived, it was just I had expected. Dusty, dirty, cras... but the doctors at least did not turn me away. Patients were very kind. Some I will remember or have return later for further healing as they were running missions throughout the day.

D'ayvv : Ithorian
Gethspara & Keelarra : Human and Twi'lek

I studied techniques here for a time. I learned First Aid: basic bandaging techniques. And, I started learning about chemicals for organic chemistry.

- Ithorians have two mouths, they have one stomach.

Gethspara spoke to me so charmingly after I healed him. He is from a guild called Dark Puppet Alliance from Dantooine.

- Lekku (the Twi'lek head tails) have many nerves in them.